


Leap of Faith

by RileyC



Category: Oz - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, M/M, kiss-a-thon entry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-18
Updated: 2010-05-18
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:37:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/88056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RileyC/pseuds/RileyC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate canon 'verse, Chris and Toby are reunited post-S4, per a prompt by luci_2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leap of Faith

Glad this day was nearly over, Toby headed for his pod, ignoring the looks aimed his way, not hearing the comments. He didn't want anybody's pity, and he'd flailed himself enough to be immune to anyone else's scorn.

All he craved right now was silence and isolation.

Letting himself into the pod, he climbed up to his bunk, stretching out flat, gaze fixed on the ceiling and wishing he knew a way to block out his own thoughts. Well, he did, of course; the same method he had sought for so long. It would be easy enough to get his hands on something. Drink his way to oblivion; stay there for the rest of his sentence, because it was abundantly clear the parole board was never going to extend their benevolence to him.

The bitterness, resentment, burned through him intensely. He could feel the rage building, seeking release. Why not let it free? Why not trash his cell, tear it apart, earn a month in the hole?

What the fuck did anything matter anymore?

Body vibrating with anger, willing for it to be light's out already so he could be alone in the dark, Toby rested an arm over his eyes, blocking out the light, breathing hard to calm himself.

Over all the background noise, one sound suddenly stood out, cutting through the babble. He raised his arm, looking, knowing it wasn't possible. That voice was hundreds of miles away in Massachusetts. He hadn't heard it since that abortive phone call. He'd never hear it again. Hell, he wasn't sure he even really remembered the sound of it now; remembered that face, the color of his eyes, if his smile really had been that amazing…

He let out a gusty sigh, not wanting to go down that road.

Turning on his side, face to the wall, he curled in on himself, trying to blank his mind completely.

Don't think, don't feel, don't anything; just get through the rest of his time here, and then, finally, walk out of those gates, and keep walking until he'd reached a place where no one had ever heard of him. Where there were no expectations. No responsibilities. No one to disappoint anymore.

Time ticked by; he could hear footsteps, voices, the pod doors finally slamming shut for the night. Toby sighed with satisfaction at last and stretched out a bit.

He was almost there, almost zoned out, when his door whooshed open and he heard Murphy tell someone, "Get settled in, and keep it quiet." Then the door shut again, and Toby could hear someone moving around, like they were stowing away their belongings.

No fucking way.

Rolling over, sitting up, ready to bounce whoever it was off the wall; ready to smash McManus's head into the floor until it busted open for lying to him … he froze in place, furious threat dying on lips as he saw who it was.

"…Chris…"

It couldn't be. It _wasn't._

It was another goddamn dream; his twisted up psyche spewing out the cruelest one yet.

"Beecher--"

_"Shut up!"_ It wasn't real, it wasn't real…

He settled back down, staring at the ceiling again, a sick fear growing in him. He'd been crazy before, but not like this; he hadn't hallucinated. Besides, there had truly been method in his madness, every action calculated no matter how outrageous. He'd _exhilarated_ in his madness then. This just made him feel punched in the gut.

A hand touched his leg - _whose hand?_ \- and Toby lashed out automatically, knocking it away, coming down off the bunk and backing the mirage into a corner, staring into its blue, blue eyes, confusion boiling away inside.

"If you're gonna shank me, get it over with already."

Sucking in a sharp breath, Toby backed away, unable to take his eyes off the figure - _the specter?_ \- before him. "You can't be here. How can you be here?"

"It's a long story."

"Tell it."

The blue eyes indulged in a dramatic roll, the specter exhaling a deep sigh, muttering, "Christ, you're a nutjob… Fine, the Feds linked Hank's death to a mob hit, figured out I'd been lying when I said I set it up. They cut me loose and shipped me back." A pause, those eyes drinking him in, wary and … hurt? "Some people here thought you'd be glad to see me."

It sounded plausible. It sounded like exactly what he'd want.

All of the rest of it had felt just as real too. He'd _felt_ the truth of it; known what it was to walk free of Oz, across that long distance to the gates, through them, not stopping until he'd reached the waiting car that bore him away from Oz along a winding road that was carrying him to a fresh, new life. Nothing had ever felt as real as walking through that park, out in the sunlight, Holly laughing and skipping along beside him.

Every single moment had felt true. He would have laid his hand on a Bible and sworn it was true.

Only he'd opened his eyes at the end and felt the dream, the fantasy, flitting away like smoke in the wind.

If he believed _this,_ and it was just another lie…

"How do I know you're real?"

"I don't know. Want me to say the secret word?"

He laughed, sort of; something caught between a laugh and a sob anyway.

_Chris_. Christopher Keller. Tall, dark, working an orange jumpsuit like it was the sexiest fashion statement ever.

"Don't be a lie," Toby whispered, moving closer.

"I'll try not to."

Another step, and Toby could touch him. Could reach out, hands pressed over his chest. Close enough he could feel warmth, feel the beating of his heart. Close enough he could smell him; soap and sweat and _Keller._ "Oh God…" he murmured, winding his arms around him, face burrowing into his neck, pressing as close as he could and hanging on for dear life.

"Nah," Chris said, voice a low rumble in Toby's ear, "just me," and even without looking Toby knew the brilliant, cocky smile that was spreading across Chris' face.

Last time they had stood like this, Chris had been cuffed, unable to hold him back. Now, strong arms wound around him, clasped him tight, as if he never wanted to let him go.

_Don't let go._

The words echoed in his mind, along with the silence of his answer then. "Never again," he whispered, nuzzling Chris' throat, "never again."

"What?" Chris said, lips pressed to his temple, long fingers combing back through Toby's hair.

"I'm never letting you go again."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," he said, raising his head now to look at him, rest a hand along his face. "You look like I remember," he murmured, marveling at it.

"How else would I look, Toby?" Chris asked, making it light, but the look in his eyes, those haunted blue eyes, made Toby think he hadn't been the only one afraid of forgetting, of being forgotten.

"I don't know," Toby said, bottom lip pooching out. "You might shaved your head or gotten fat or gotten more tattoos, or…" The rest was lost in an _oof!_ as Chris pulled him close again.

"Toby, can't you do something with your mouth besides yap?"

Well, yes, he supposed he could - and if this was a dream, he was motherfucking going to murder someone.

"Like this?" he said, lips brushing the corner of Chris' mouth.

"It's a start," Chris murmured, hands cupping the nape of Toby's neck, and angling in for a kiss that started slow and sweet and soft, lips just brushing against each other, learning the feel of each other again.

Toby wasn't sure whose lips parted first, whose tongue darted and swiped against the other's first. It didn't matter. This was what they'd always done right, what had always been perfect between them.

_Back here, or in Heaven._

Those words echoed in his mind as well, and pulling back a little he asked Chris, "Do you think we're dead?"

Looking at him like he was crazy - so that hadn't changed, either - Chris said, "What?"

Smiling, actually feeling joy, or something like it, Toby shook his head, said, "Never mind," and dragged him back for more.


End file.
